Some Emotions are Destined to Have Nowhere to Place

Zhuge / 2015-01-03

Categories: Done with No Regret / Tags: Done with No Regret / Word Count: 1011

Your January 3, 2015 is my last morning at home on December 31, 2014.

I woke up early, swept the floor, lit the stove, stoked the fire, went out to buy steamed buns and pastries, went home, packed my things. Then I boiled three pots of hot water, filled the water bottle, and waited for my parents to wake up. When my parents got up and dressed, I made tea for my mother and warmed wine for my father.

In fact, the truth is, my mother woke up early, swept the floor, lit the stove, stoked the fire, went out to buy steamed buns and pastries, came home, packed my things. She boiled three pots of hot water, filled the water bottle. Then she called me to wake up and prepared hot milk while I was getting up. My mother no longer drinks tea in the morning, and my father no longer drinks wine in the morning, both because of their stomach problems. After I finished breakfast, my father rode his bike to take me to the bus stop, waited for the bus, and I returned to school.

Your January 3, 2015 is my last morning at home on December 31, 2014. When I returned to school, I thought, it’s time to cry.

I played games all afternoon, then had dinner, fetched water, packed my backpack, went to the teaching building, from the first floor to the fourth floor, walked from the fifth building to the third building, entered a certain classroom, sat at the last desk, took out my textbooks, and reviewed. With each step from the first floor to the fourth floor, my mood became heavier, tears accumulated, and repressed emotions were released. As I entered the classroom, took a deep breath, there were no shoulders to lean on, just studying.

He messaged me, I messaged her, he messaged her. He messaged while crying. I messaged while wanting to cry. She messaged, not sure if she wanted to cry. I called him, he cried, I didn’t cry, the call connected. I called her, wanting to cry, I didn’t cry, the call didn’t connect. I packed my backpack, swallowed my tears, went to the supermarket, bought a few cans of beer, messaged him, he replied, messaged her, no reply. The library is really not a good place.

As I blew the breeze, waiting for messages, while walking. She called back, and I happened to be at Lover’s Slope. She said she would come find me. I sat with her on Lover’s Slope, I drank beer, she didn’t. She talked, I drank beer, wanted to cry, but didn’t cry; she laughed, I drank beer, wanted to cry, but didn’t cry; I talked, she laughed, didn’t drink beer; I wanted to cry, she laughed, didn’t drink beer. We chatted while enjoying the breeze, I drank beer, she laughed, until late in the night. I told her about the girl I liked, I didn’t cry, she didn’t laugh; I told her about the boy she liked, I didn’t cry, she didn’t laugh. I told her we had grown up and started talking about emotions, she gave a bitter smile, I wanted to cry.

She lived in Building 7, I lived in Building 6, and we broke up under Building 6. She said, “Focus on studying.” I said, “Focus on studying.” I returned to the dorm, my dorm mates gave me a hug, I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. I took out the remaining three cans of beer, one for the heartbroken buddy, one for the non-heartbroken buddy, one for myself, and a bottle of milk tea for the buddy without beer. We didn’t talk to each other, we just drank. I messaged him, he said, “Go to sleep.” I said, “Go to sleep.”

I didn’t sleep, I turned on the computer, played games until two in the morning, then deleted the games from the computer. I sorted out my thoughts, swallowed all the tears, left messages for some people who cared about me: this is a world that requires humor, so I choose to resurrect with full health. Then, at three o’clock, I fell asleep, woke up at six o’clock, opened my eyes until nine o’clock, and got out of bed.

There are so many unhappy people in this world, how can I not be happy; there are so many happy people in this world, how can I not be happy. So, I won’t cry, I won’t think about crying. I tell myself, it’s just a trivial matter, is it necessary to be so sentimental for so long!!! I listen to others telling me, it’s just a trivial matter, is it necessary to be so sentimental for so long!!!

Then, I swallow the last drop of tears, and tell myself, some emotions are destined to have nowhere to place.

A senior said: The person I love is not my lover. Most flowers cannot bloom where they want to bloom, some emotions are destined to have nowhere to place. I hope the person who loves me, I am their lover.

There is a QQ signature from a senior sister that I really like, she said: You are in the sunny south with heavy snowfall, I am in the cold night of the north with spring all year round. If there is something that can make me want to cry when I see it, I think, it’s this.

Some emotions are destined to have nowhere to place, I hope I can understand, you can understand, he can understand, she can understand.

This world needs humor, so, I resurrect with full health. There are no tears in the corners of my eyes, and there are no tears in the corners of my eyes.

January 3, 2015