14 Happiness Can't Last Long

Happiness Can’t Last Long

You read a book you’ve read before while it’s raining. After three o’clock, you seem to have gained some great benefits and are filled with joy. At that moment, you suddenly see things clearly and finally realize that the person you should be most grateful for after looking back at the years is her.

Last time when you read “I Have Also Floated for a Long Time,” it had nothing to do with her. You lay on the bed at school, tears flowing into your mouth, flowing into your heart. The second time you read “I Have Also Floated for a Long Time,” you read it in the pouring rain, raindrops falling into your heart, reflecting her image, calm and serene. And then, you finally understand that after many years, when you meet again, the person you should be most grateful for is her.

The first time you read what the canoe said:

“When the little boy was tidying up the tableware, he put a piece of white paper with a line of lyrics that I wrote by hand into his pocket.

‘I have also floated for a long time, over the past ten years, burdened with immense kindness, master and friend for life.’

As far as I can see, the most desolate and helpless line in ancient Chinese poetry is this one.

Faced with the little boy’s kind trick, I smile faintly, and sorrow arises from within.

For a foreign child to learn to recognize these characters is not difficult, but to truly comprehend every trace of meaning between the lines, it may be difficult to achieve in a lifetime.”

Only then do you realize why reading this book gives you a feeling of kinship. So you like this book, like this poem, and for the first time, you like the author because of a book. Therefore, you tolerate her smoking, her tattoos, her indulgence, everything about her, and her heart full of scars. You shed tears for her because you are the same, you are shedding tears for yourself.

Only you understand that yes, I have also floated for a long time. You have lived in one place for over twenty years, but your heart has traveled through thousands of mountains and rivers, wandering without a home. The things written in the book seem to be all about you, so it is all about you. You feel connected by blood, no, it was always you.

Reading this book for the second time, you seem to have found yourself. Finally, in July, you have a great awakening and think of her when you read “Happiness can’t last long.” You know that no matter what, the person you should be most grateful for in this life is her. You have always been like this, whether you gain or lose, you are content with whatever comes your way, without any strong feelings towards anything, until you meet her. For the first time, you have to have something, you want to have her heart, unlike before, you are not content without it. So, you have never been content.

When you see July, you suddenly see things clearly and slowly regain your original state of mind. Only, before it was because you had never loved, never seen her; now it is because you have loved, you have seen her. Especially after reading the scriptures, you understand even more the saying “half chance to cultivate oneself, half chance to meet the beloved.” You only then understand that whether or not she likes you, whether or not she is with you, in the end, you will be grateful to her. You are grateful to be with her because you don’t have time to think about other things, only she is in your heart, whether you gain or lose, whether you get her or not; you are grateful for her not to be with you because you can’t get her out of your heart, you don’t care about anything else, whether you gain or lose, whether you get her or not.

So, you have a great awakening, you know that when you look back on the past after many years, the person you should be most grateful for is her. From now on, starting from now, you can be compassionate and free from worries, you will no longer be infatuated with her, and you will not be bewildered by anyone else. You feel that you have understood, at least for now.

Finally, I apologize to you for my past obstinacy.

August 5, 2015

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